


From Cold to Warm

by wanderer765



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5204078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderer765/pseuds/wanderer765
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The coldness she felt the other day was back and her bones ached. Ached with a loneliness and sadness she had never experienced before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Cold to Warm

It was a chilly night and Iris and Barry were snuggled up on Joe's couch watching an ABC original movie for the start of the 25 Days of Christmas. They had finally had a dinner just the three of them. Things had been crazy at work for Iris, and Barry had been so busy with Patty that their family dinners had taken a backseat. 

"I swear these movies get cheesier and cheesier every year," Barry laughed.

Iris looked over at him as he smiled at the TV and felt a twist in her stomach. Barry jolted as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fumbled with the blankets and dug it out to see that Patty was calling him. 

"Oh. I'll be right back, I should take this."

"No it's ok, you can stay. Plus I'll get cold if you leave," she said with a smile. 

He smiled back at her and answered his phone. 

"Hey babe." 

She could hear Patty's excited voice on the other line but couldn't make out what she was saying. Barry smiled as he listened, a sparkle in his eye. He was clearly very smitten with this girl and Iris couldn't help but feel sadness as she watched him. 

"I'll definitely have to think about it ya know? I think it's something we should talk about in person. But umm, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now. Could we talk about it over dinner tomorrow night?" 

Barry smiled and nodded and they said their see ya laters. He settled back in and returned his focus to the television. Iris was curious though. 

"So what was that about? Everything ok?"

His relationship with Patty wasn't something they talked about often...or at all really. Iris would occasionally ask how Patty was doing but the conversation would never go beyond the surface. They'd been dating for about 3 months now and things looked to be getting kind of serious from where Iris stood. 

"Oh no, everything's fine. She umm...well she asked me if I'd want to spend Christmas with her and her family at her brothers place. He lives in Starling City." 

Iris tried hard to smile but was sure she was failing at looking happy for him. 

"That's great...and so sweet. Things must be getting serious with you two. Do you think you'll go?" 

She didn't want him to answer. She selfishly wanted him to stay and be with her. Eddie very obviously wouldn't be around this Christmas and the holidays felt a little off now that she knew her mother was alive. Not that she would be present either, but she was more aware of how few people she had in her life. She didn't think she could handle not having Barry around either. 

"I don't know honestly. It'd be a change of scenery which would be nice, but it would be weird to not spend Christmas with Joe...and you." 

"Ahh. Well we'll be fine...I think you should go." 

She felt like she was having an out of body experience, like she wasn't in control of her words. Did she really just tell him to go? Barry's head hung low and he was playing with his hands. Iris nervously bit at the inside of her lip.

"Iris-"

"Barry I'm fine. I'll be fine. The way your face lit up just now when you were talking to her?...you're happy. Don't mess up your happiness because you feel sorry for me."

He lifted his head toward her and gave her a faint little half smile. 

"Thanks Iris...really." They shared another smile before he turned his attention back to the tv. 

She wanted him to say more but he didn't. She wanted him to tell her that she was his happiness, that there was no way he could leave her all alone on Christmas. She felt a coldness settling inside of her, the kind that creeps into your bones, and let the reality of it all wash over her. She was losing him.

* 

Iris and Joe sat at Jitters, enjoying a rare moment alone. 

"So I was thinking maybe we could change it up a bit this year, for Christmas I mean, since it'll be just the two of us."

Iris swallowed hard and looked up from her coffee. 

"...I didn't realize Barry had made his decision. Good...good for him, I'm sure Patty's really excited!" 

She smiled wide but could feel the tears swelling up in her eyes. She was mad at her body for betraying her. She couldn't fake being happy when the tears rolling down her cheeks said otherwise.

"You ok Iris? I thought he had already told you!" Joe reached for her hand but she pulled away. 

"I'm fine, I just...something must've gotten in my eye. I'll be right back" she said as she made her way to the bathroom. 

She quickly locked herself in a stall and let herself cry. She didn't think he would actually say yes to Patty and she couldn't believe he hadn't told her. It was happening. She really let herself feel it for the first time. She wasn't the most important person in his life anymore. He didn't feel the need to rush over and tell her all the exciting things happening in his life the way he used to. He didn't feel the need to share with her the big decisions he was making, like spending the holidays with his girlfriends family. The coldness she felt the other day was back and her bones ached. Ached with a loneliness and sadness she had never experienced before. She had to pull herself out of this, she wanted to prove to herself she was strong. She still had her dad and he would have to be enough. They'd figure this out. Barry not spending Christmas with them was not the end of the world. She could handle it. She freshened up and headed back to her dad. 

She froze where she stood. Barry and Patty were standing at the table, fingers intertwined, chatting with her dad. Her body immediately betrayed her again and her eyes were rimmed with tears. She willed herself to hold them back and pulled herself together. 

"Hey you two!" she said with a smile. "So my dad here tells me you two lovebirds will be spending Christmas together in Starling City? That's so great! I'm really happy for you," she said smiling at Patty. 

She turned her gaze and was met by warm green eyes. She couldn't help but think she saw a little sadness in them. They stared at each other, maybe a moment too long, and Patty took notice. She rested her free hand on Barry's chest.

"Thanks Iris! It should be a really great time. Nobody does Christmas quite like the Spivot's!"

"Aww, well Barry loves Christmas so he'll fit in just fine." 

She grabbed her coat from the chair and finished the last sip of her coffee. 

"Thanks for the date dad, but I should get back to work. Nice to see you both." 

She squeezed Barry's arm as she walked by him and made her way to the door. She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away. 

*

Later that evening she found herself back at Jitters. The sun was setting as a breeze swept past, chilling the wetness on her face. She stood on the roof as slow tears made their way down her face. She needed the air and to be somewhere she could feel him. This was their spot, even if they hadn't had a rooftop rendezvous in more than half a year. 

She came to the realization about 5 months back that she indeed was in love with her best friend. They had all still been dealing with the fallout of the singularity so she had never found the right moment to tell him. She could see that he blamed himself for Eddie and that at the time, it hurt him to be around her because he was reminded of how he let her down. That he hadn't saved the day and she had lost love because of it. Iris never blamed him for any of it but she understood his pain. He hurt because she hurt. When she finally thought she was ready to tell him, he had started seeing Patty. She came to terms with the fact that he was no longer in love with her and she would have to carry the love she had alone. 

"Fancy meeting you here" she heard a familiar voice say. She turned to see Barry standing behind her. She shrugged and smiled as another tear left her eye, turning back towards the setting sun. He came to stand beside her, leaning on the edge of the roof. 

"Just needed some air" she said quietly. 

"Me too," he said. 

A soft silence fell between them. 

"Barry...don't go." 

He looked over at her. Her eyes were closed and he could see that she had been crying.

"Please," she looked up, her eyes pleading with him. 

"I...please don't leave me alone. I know it isn't fair to do this to you but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone. I feel so cold all the time Barry and I'm afraid of what it means if you go. I've lost so much..." her voice cracked. "Barry. I can't lose you too." She covered her face and her body fell towards him. He wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head against his chest.

"I know that you're not in love with me anymore, but I miss how it felt to be your everything. I miss feeling like you need me...because I need you Barry. I need you so much."

Barry pulled her away from his chest. His face serious. He looked pained. 

"Iris, my world has never stopped revolving around you. Even if I've been distant and have had a shitty way of showing it, you have been and always will be my everything."

He cupped her face in his hands. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Christmas...I didn't have the courage to tell you knowing that I'd let you down again. But things have changed."

"I know things have changed Barry...and it kills me to know where we were and to see where we are now-" 

"That's not what I mean. I umm...I broke it off with Patty. I couldn't pretend anymore. I had to stop running from the reality that I'll never stop being in love with you. My heart will never be happy with anyone but you Iris. I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you these past few months and for what I've done to us. Please tell me you can forgive me?"

Iris felt true happiness for the first time in a long time. She grabbed him by his coat collar and kissed him with everything she had.

"I think there's a possibility I can forgive you," she said with a smile. 

It would take some time for them to get back to where they were but there was no going back now. There would never be a Barry Allen without an Iris West and there would never be an Iris West without a Barry Allen. This was always meant to happen, they were always meant to be. They looked out over Central City, Iris wrapped in Barry's arms. She felt a warmth return that she hadn't felt in a long time and knew she was right where she belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> I was anxious to finish this because I just wanted it to be over, lol. So if it feels rushed that is why! It's not exactly what I sought out for it to be but I suppose it will do. It's been hard to find motivation when writing for these two. Hopefully something in the show can help with that sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading!


End file.
